Columns and Reviews Ahoy

Though I was away from blogging for a bit during the last week or two (except for my fake Abrams/drilling piece and my Jason Aaron totally-improbable assumption), I was certainly not absent from the comic book internet landscape. I produced no less than seventeen (!) columns and reviews while ignoring my blog-o-responsibilities, and in case you missed any of them, I've included them here for your edutainment. Don't let me hear you say that I ever let you down by not linking to my own work!

Recent "When Words Collide" Columns:
Me vs. Superman vs. Jim Lee
Me vs. a Five-Year-Old vs. Free Comic Book Day
Tucker Stone vs. Me vs. Moebius's Blueberry

Recent Reviews:
Immortal Iron Fist #25
Captain America Theater of War: A Brother in Arms #1
War Machine #5
Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds #4
The Muppet Show #2
Destroyer #2
Exiles #2
The Mighty #4
Final Crisis Aftermath: Run! #1
Final Crisis Aftermath: Escape #1
Super Zombies #3
I Kill Giants
Dark Reign: Hawkeye #2
Secret Warriors #4

Now, back to your regularly-scheduled daily Geniusboy Firemelon updates.

Final Crisis Hardcover vs. Watchmen Movie Sequels

1. While it's great that DC has decided to make a logical "Final Crisis" Hardcover with "Superman Beyond" and all, what you may not realize is that DC hardcovers involving the addition of 3D glasses, well, they suck. Big time. Check out the "Superman: Last Son" hardcover from last year. The cardboard with the 3D pop-out glasses is glued into the center of the binding. Glued. You can't remove it the way you can remove the 3D glasses holder from a regular comic.

So you're stuck with three choices: leave the glasses in the cardboard, and have a really annoying giant piece of cardboard in the middle of your hardcover, making it literally hard to read because the pages flip open to the middle constantly. Or, you can pop out the 3D glasses, leaving a hideous piece of cardboard-sans-glasses that still has the same problems but now looks worse. Or, you can take a razor and slice out as much of the cardboard as you can, leaving a hacked apart slice of cardboard in the center of your book.

It's a lose-lose-lose situation, and unless DC changes the way they include the 3D glasses with "Final Crisis," the problem will be just as bad with that hardcover. So if you are one of those people who think you convinced DC to add "Superman Beyond" to the hardcover, then you should fight for a better way to include the 3D glasses as well. Otherwise, you'll just end up with a really crappy collected edition. Why are people not complaining about this?

2. I haven't seen the "Watchmen" movie, but I've heard good things from people whose opinions I don't necessarily respect, and terrible things from people whose opinions I generally do respect. And a lot of thoughts in between. So I won't go into the movie with high expectations.

BUT, I don't understand the backlash against a possible "Watchmen" sequel or prequel. Yes, I would assume such a sequel or prequel would be terrible. Yes, it would miss the entire point of the comic. But when people compare the "Watchmen" comic to some great work of literature and then say, "How ridiculous a 'Macbeth' sequel would be! How could you make a sequel to 'Moby Dick'?" Well, that's just silly. I would LOVE to see a "Macbeth" sequel. I would love to see "Ishmael's Revenge!" I think they would be glorious misguided failures, but at least they would be more interesting than, oh, pretty much anything that's playing at the theaters now.

So bring on "Watchmen: The Minutemen," bring on "Watchmen: Nite Owl's Lament." They will probably be terrible, but so what? It doesn't make Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons's comic any less wonderful.

Cronin's Final Crisis FAQ is Good

Brian Cronin posted his "Final Crisis FAQ" at Comics Should Be Good today, and besides being an excellent resource for everyone with any kind of questions about what went on in the series, it's also thought provoking.

(By the way, though I agree with basically everything Cronin says -- and he certainly understands "Final Crisis" fully -- I do think Dax Novu/Mandrakk is supposed to be the Monitor from the original "Crisis." Cronin implies that he might be, but I think the connection is much stronger than just an implication. But that's not really the point of this post, so I'll move on.)

Here are some thoughts provoked by the FAQ:

1) Did people really not understand all this stuff that they're asking questions about? (Like who the black kid in the burger joint was supposed to be? Or who actually attacked John Stewart? I mean, that stuff was an ESSENTIAL PART OF THE STORY and fully explained within its pages.)

2) Did they even bother to read "Final Crisis"? (Because some of those questions imply they read neither the words nor the pictures.)

3) Why do readers in the comments section say stuff like "Unfortunately, just the fact that the series needed something like this to make some sense of it, shows how poorly constructed and produced it actually was"? (Brian Cronin obviously didn't need "something like this to make some sense of it," and neither did I, and neither did almost anyone I've actually talked to about the series. YOU needed it, person-who-left-that-comment, but that doesn't mean the series needed it.)

4) When "P_B" asks for "an attempt at tracing Superman chronologically through the whole thing," why didn't Cronin link to my attempt at tracing Superman chronologically through the whole thing? Do you hate me Brian Cronin? (I know you don't, because you linked to the "Final Crisis Dialogues" in a later post!)

The FAQ is really cool, though, and puts the answers all in one place for readers who couldn't make sense out of the series. (Though they might want to practice reading harder. Too snarky? Too bad! Read HARDER!)

The Final Crisis Dialogues: Final Crisis #7

What was once the "Splash Page," the internet's #1 source for comic book chit-chat by Tim and Chad, has transformed into "The Final Crisis Dialogues" mostly because (a) Sequart.org is temporarily inactive, and (b) Chad and I have been talking "Final Crisis" for three weeks straight!

So join us for our lengthy dialogue on "Final Crisis" #7 and see some of the greatest pseudo-Splash Page moments ever: See me point out the flaws in "Final Crisis." See Chad deflect them with his mental Akido. See Chad mock the "Final Crisis" as poetry conceit, and see me take him on with prosaic fury. See us both talk "Seven Soldiers" with the wisdom of hermetic scholars. See all this and more!

And, really, if you haven't already, you should probably just read ALL of our "Final Crisis" dialogues, and see how right we were about everything, and how wrong we were about everything else.

When Words Collide: Final Crisis -- Here is Knowledge

Thus, an era of comics-I-am-
eagerly-anticipating comes to a close. Now that "Final Crisis" is done, comic book shopping on Wednesdays seems to have lost its luster. The world is a little dimmer now, isn't it?

This week's "When Words Collide" was delayed because I wanted to tackle "Final Crisis" in its entirety, #7 included, and so I could hit my usual deadline of 5:00 PM on Tuesday night, unless Darkseid himself dropped off a copy of the last issue on his way back through time (clearly, he had other things to worry about, and I don't hold it against him). Then the snowstorm hit New England this morning, and that delayed my purchase of the issue even more. But I read it like crazy and ignored my family tonight, and submitted my column, "Final Crisis: Here is Knowledge" just in time to make Wednesday's CBR.

Actually, the CBR folks had to work a little overtime to get it posted, and that's just another example of how awesome they are.

So read my column, then come back here and tell me how wrong I am, and I will destroy you with the power of song.

For the Record: Final Crisis #7

My WWC column on "Final Crisis" was submitted a few minutes ago, and I don't know if it will make it to the CBR main page today or not, but here's something I wrote in an e-mail to Chad Nevett yesterday:

Captain Adam's "No dualities. Only symmetries" line seems to be the key to the whole thing. Hence Libra for Balance, and hence all the apparent dualities throughout the FC series itself.

I think FC #7 will end with darkness fusing with light, perhaps Darkseid's energy form literally fusing with that of, say, a Flash(?) and bringing forth the Fifth World more completely.

Or something completely different.

But symmetrical.

And it will end with Anthro.

I was right about some of it, at least.

Superman Beyond #2 Hits THE SPLASH PAGE

This week's "Splash Page" discussion begins on Chad Nevett's blog. Read that part first, then come back here for PART TWO:

Chad Nevett: How do you think this little tangent story works in relation to All-Star Superman? It seems to have some relationship, but where that book fell flat for me, this one really worked. Is there any relationship beyond the same writer and character?

Tim Callahan: There's certainly a parallel between All-Star and Superman Beyond, most emphatically on the final page of each series. In All-Star we get the promise that Superman will continue via Quintum's technology -- "Superman 2," which we know will lead to a future strain of Supermen, as seen in the appearance of the Superman Squad in issue #6 -- while in Superman Beyond we get the ultimate Superman epitaph: "To Be Continued." It all ties in to Morrison's constant articulation of the existence of Superman above and beyond our own mortal existence. The whole "Superman is realer than us" idea.

Plus, both series feature that moment of transcendent awareness where Superman realizes how everything fits together, but, ironically, in All-Star, the moment is one in which he realizes that "we are all there is" and there is no higher power or meaning above the deeds of humanity/superhumanity. In Superman Beyond, he not only recognizes the existence of a higher realm in the Bleed, but he senses the reader as well, as he feels our breath as we "cradle" the comic book in our hands. I think the difference between those two moments speak to the differences between the two series. All-Star is a sealed-system look at the Superman mythos and our universe exists inside that one -- we are the pocket universe inside Superman's Fortress. Superman is the ultimate example of goodness upon which our sense of right and wrong is based, or something along those lines. Superman Beyond is the DCU as a creation of our universe, and like Buddy Baker, Superman can only look up at us from inside his comic book reality, but he is always trapped within it. Of course, if we take Morrison's cosmology to its logical extreme, the DCU is a layer nestled inside our reality, and our reality is a layer nestled inside the DCU -- it's a physically impossible situation to be in, or it seems to be, but maybe that's because we lack the fifth-dimensional vision to see it properly.

Why do you think Superman Beyond works so well for you, but All-Star didn't do a thing for you?

CN: I hate to go to my old stand-by, but Superman Beyond 3D just seemed to have more "energy." It's more a frantic, high-speed charge through an insane adventure, while All-Star Superman was more... purposeful, more planned, a bit too static for my tastes. Superman Beyond 3D is told in the same fashion as my favorite Morrison stories where everything happens too fast and you need to go through it a few times to really pick up on everything. It reads like a six-issue arc compressed into these two issues, which is a style that I love. And while it shows off Morrison's love of the character, this story seems to be more about demonstrating how great Superman is without spending an equal amount of time telling us that he's great, which All-Star did quite a bit through secondary characters. It was more show than tell, I guess. Plus, it's in 3D and who doesn't love 3D?

TC: I'm pretty sure most people don't love 3D -- or at least 3D comics. Didn't you complain about the 3D last time? I know I did.

But the 3D is FAR more important in this issue. It's a great use of the effect to break the fourth wall, and while it's not an absolutely essential part of the story, it does provide a new spin on an old Morrisonian cliche as Superman reaches out toward us. I read this issue differently than the first one, too. I read the whole thing without those damned glasses, then I went back and re-read the 3D stuff with the glasses on. I just have a hard time reading the words.

CN: Yeah, the 3D wasn't that great in the first issue, but worked really well here. I do think the 3D ended a page too early since there's a non-3D page that takes place in that "higher Monitor reality" and I don't know why it's not in 3D. If you look at the story as a whole, I'm not sure the 3D works, particularly in the first issue where it's like you need 3D glasses to comprehend one level of reality, but that wears off and then you need 3D glasses to comprehend another level of reality. It's kind of odd and arbitrary in many ways. But, if you take this issue alone with the 3D, it works for the most part, I think.

TC: What a bold defense, my friend! I guess we should probably wrap this up, and get our brains ready for whatever is in store for us next week with Final Crisis #7. Do you think the Monitors will play a role in the finale at all? Will Mandrakk reappear in the end? Or will this 3D detour remain just a thematic parallel to the main event, and someone else (Judd Winick? Gail Simone?) will pick up on the space vampire Monitors and use them as villains in the future?

CN: Actually, Mandrakk's introduction here reminds me of the way Morrison brought Solaris into Superman's world in DC One Million. I could see either Morrison or someone else picking up on the character and his followers, especially vampire Ultraman. I think Morrison began something here that will have to be addressed at some point. As for the Monitors in the finale... I don't expect much beyond Nix Uotan, but maybe he'll have a nice reunion scene with his long lost love... or maybe he'll initiate some sort of "upgrade" with the other Monitors, making them the new gods... who knows?

[Next Week's Splash Page: Final Crisis #7! And don't forget to reflect on the past with "The Final Crisis Dialogues."]

The Final Crisis Dialogues

Chad Nevett and I have discussed every issue of "Final Crisis" since the beginning, and we've chatted about the Morrison-penned spin-offs as well. The discussions used to be available at Sequart.org, as part of our "Splash Page" column.

Sadly, Sequart.org is temporarily inactive, and it looks to stay that way for another month or so.

But in anticipation of the grand finale of "Final Crisis," Chad and I have made our previous discussions available for your reading pleasure. Check it all out over at "The Final Crisis Dialogues."

When Words Collide: Final Crisis -- Past is Prologue

Prepping for next week's release of "Final Crisis" #7 (we all hope), I reread all the "Final Crisis" issues, all the tie-ins, and a few of the unofficial prequel series.

All of that reading made the "Final Crisis" experience even more satisfying (and if you've been reading this blog, you know that I've been enjoying FC since the beginning) so I decided that I should spend the next two weeks of "When Words Collide" columns talking about "Final Crisis," past, present, and future.

This week, in "Past is Prologue," I explore the "Zenith," "Rock of Ages," "Mister Miracle" connection, and next week I'll take a look at "Final Crisis" at its conclusion -- what it all means and how it means it.

"Final Crisis" is far from perfect, but it's a jagged epic monstrosity of pure comic book thrills.

Final Crisis #6 Hits THE SPLASH PAGE

Since Sequart continues to have trouble with its online presence, Chad Nevett and I are continuing our long-running "Splash Page" column via the cross-blog express.

This week's topic: Final Crisis #6, obviously!

Chad Nevett: And we return with our first column of 2009 to, once again, discuss the new issue of Final Crisis. Can I assume that you enjoyed the issue, Tim? Or did the art finally diminish your enjoyment a bit? Because, honestly, it's starting to bother me (especially the colouring of Shilo Norman), but I know that the quality of art plays a larger role in your enjoyment of a comic than mine, so I can only imagine that it's starting to bother you. Am I right?

Tim Callahan: Honestly, the art on the new issue of Captain Britain (which one of our colleagues gave FIVE STARS to) bothered me a whole lot more, with its Mike Collins fill-in hackery on a few pages. Final Crisis #6 did have three artists working on it, and some of the Pacheco pages looked a little rushed, but I actually didn't mind the art at all. I thought Jones's pages looked mostly great, and the Mankhe Superman pages looked chaotic and bombastic and a little sordid, and that final page gave me the chills, even though we all know that it probably doesn't mean what it seems to mean.

I don't think we need to put up and SPOILER alerts at this point, considering all the other coverage that people must have been exposed to, but, yeah, Batman's dead. Deceased. A stiff. Totally and absolutely dead.

I would like to talk about some other aspects of Final Crisis #6, but Batman's death is pretty damn important, so let's get that out of the way first. What's your take on how the Batman sequence played out?

CN: Honestly, I thought the showdown with Darkseid was great, but Batman dying didn't surprise me at all. For the supposed death of one of the biggest superheroes around, it was surprisingly underwhelming. When I saw that Newsarama had a story up about it, that's when I went "Oh yeah, Batman's dead... people probably care about that, don't they?" Otherwise, fantastic sequence. I know it's unclear if Darkseid died as well, but I think Darkseid's downfall coming in such a quiet way would work very well.

TC: I thought Batman's death was a perfectly placed big-superhero final showdown moment, but that's only because I just read the final two Morrison Batman issues. Does Batman's appearance in this issue even make sense otherwise? I mean, he's totally out of the comic -- easily disposed of in issue #2 -- and then he randomly reappears now and defeats Darkseid basically out of nowhere?

I like the bit with the gun, and we should have known that god-killing bullet would reappear to, uh, kill a god, but in the context of Final Crisis itself, does this Batman climax even work properly?

CN: How would I know? I've read those same Morrison-penned Batman issues. I think the mention of Batman killing the clone army in issue five may provide enough of a reminder that the most dangerous man in the world is in the building, but I can't say for sure. Then again, it works for me since I have read those other comics.

Speaking of other comics, did the opening of this issue bother you? It obviously references the end of Superman Beyond 3D, which comes out next week. Or the possibility of spoiling the end... kind of... of Legion of Three Worlds?

TC: It does make Superman Beyond seem kind of pointless, since he just apparently hangs out in the bleed for a while and then hitches a ride from Brainiac 5 to get home. I don't think it spoils the Legion spin-off, but who knows.

I liked the Miracle Machine bit.

If you recall, which you probably don't because you are not a Legion geek, Matter-Eater Lad once went crazy because he ate the Miracle Machine, so I can only imagine what Morrison's going to do with it in Final Crisis #7.

So, to recap: I was barely annoyed by the art, slightly annoyed by the spoiling of Superman Beyond, which ties in with my overall great annoyance at the terrible shipping pattern of this book and the spin-offs, and I was not annoyed at all by the Batman death, and I enjoyed the heck out of this issue overall. It felt vast. It had scope. It feels like a pretty big Crisis now, for all those haters in the audience who said it wasn't Crisis-y enough at first. And even though we didn't get nearly enough of the new Nix Uotan in this issue, Morrison has primed us for a big conclusion with Flashes running real fast, Superman real pissed, and the Super Young Team finding themselves useful for once.

CN: I didn't mind the spoiling at all, because the end result isn't of primary importance in a Morrison comic. The journey is almost always much more important. As well, we all expected that little adventure to end with Superman rejoining his fellow heroes, so there's no big shock there. It's really just a sign of DC's bizarre and inept scheduling.

I'm with you, I really enjoyed this issue... but that's not really a surprise since we've enjoyed every issue so far. I love the Nix Uotan two page bit--it was a very inventive layout that worked with his new abilities. There were a few small moments that I don't think worked (the Hawkman/Hawkgirl dialogue, which served what purpose?), but, overall, a standard great issue.

As well, I haven't paid too much attention to the online reaction, but I've noticed a lack of people, for the most part, complaining that they don't get this series. You're much more tuned into reactions from across the internet, have you noticed an altered reaction to this issue?

TC: Not really. The people who don't get it still don't get it, and the people who like it still like it. But there are, of course, people who get it and don't like it, and maybe there are people who don't get it but like it anyway. I'd say that the reactions have remained pretty consistent, which doesn't make a lot of sense, now that I think about it, since the middle issues seemed to be way more in tune with what people said they wanted from issue #1. But there's no pleasing the haters, I guess.

I'm more curious about how Final Crisis meshes with Morrison's Batman stuff. In a recent interview, Morrison mentioned that when DiDio heard about his plans for Batman in Final Crisis (which was proposed back in 2006, I think), and then he heard about "Batman R.I.P." he thought that Morrison should kind of tie them together, even though "R.I.P." was intended to be a "psychological deconstruction" and not a literal death. That makes sense, and it explains why Morrison seemed to go out of his way to show that the explosion at the end of "R.I.P." wasn't Batman's final fate, even though it kind of implied that it was with the Nightwing pose and all that.

And I also wonder why I'm not getting calls from nationally syndicated radio shows this week, now that Batman has REALLY died, instead of just sort-of-but-not-really-at-all died. Don't people care about Batman's REAL, irrevocable, complete and non-refundable (but will probably be explained away within a year) death?

TO BE CONTINUED AT GRAPHICONTENT!

Final Crisis #5 Hits THE SPLASH PAGE (Part II)

Sequart.org is still undergoing reconstruction, so Chad Nevett and I have temporarily moved "The Splash Page" to our blogs. The first half of our Final Crisis #5 chat is at GraphiContent, and the second half is below:

CN: Of course, I've read Jog's take. His blog is among my usual "just woke up and want to read what others have to say about comics" rounds. Your question is one I've been struggling with for a long time, way before Final Crisis: how to explain something is awesome. I'm awful at that, especially because I always find myself using the same descriptors as those who hated what I so dearly loved. When you both use the same words to describe opposite reactions, is there any way to actually communicate meaningfully about a work?

I honestly don't know what to tell the Kennys of the world. In previous columns, we've discussed the techniques that Morrison uses in this book, which is a compressed sort found in his JLA work (were these people complaining about not understand things then?) plus loads others. The more I think about it, the more I don't see what's so confusing about this series, or this issue, which is pretty damn straight forward in that most of it is the forces of Darkseid versus the heroes. As it continues, it gets simpler, because Morrison reveals more... my advice, actually, is, if you aren't following along by this point, give up. A horribly pessimistic message that shows an odd snobbish cynicism, but we're five issues in and if things aren't making sense, I'm not sure they ever will. Grant Morrison is not known for ending that nicely and neatly tell the reader exactly what it all means. He does wrap things up, but it's in the same manner in which he's told the entire story. So, yeah, I have no means of helping those still lost. Maybe that's why I didn't go into teaching. But, you did, Tim, so do you have any ideas?

TC: Damn you, Nevett and your discussion-akido. I don't think I can really help the Kennys of the world either, beyond explaining the things that we've already explained in previous installments of "The Splash Page," but here's a list of things that make Final Crisis good: The way Morrison pulls in all levels of the DCU, from the street-level to the cosmic; J. G. Jones's almost tactile sense of dread; Carlos Pacheco's fluid panel compositions; Morrison's slow unfolding of the evil followed by the rapid acceleration of Darkseid's takeover of the Earth; the bastions of superheroism forming a resistance; Hal Jordan with 24 hours to save the world; The Super-Young Team's dramatic entrance; Rubik's Cube as Mother Box; Corruption vs. innocence; The way we jump from scene to scene without banal explanation.

These are all things that make Final Crisis work so well, but as you say, these are some of the same things that people complain about. And our sense of reality is skewed, as you know, since we appreciate the fact that this series draws upon Morrison's other work. Does this series work at all as an independent piece of superhero fiction? I've always assumed so, but others disagree. Yet that final page of issue #5 seems like a good litmus test for any potential reader, past, present, or future. If you don't think Nix Uotan's new look on that final page looks exceptionally cool -- and implies more excitement and imagination to follow -- than you probably won't be in tune with this series.

CN: I can't speak to how well this book works on its own since, like you, I've read what's come before. I pick up on the various references to Morrison's runs on JLA, Seven Soldiers and Batman. Would I be lost without that foreknowledge? Nah, because this book isn't half as difficult as some say it is, but I wouldn't be "getting it" as much as I am either. But, what piece of fiction, particularly corporate shared-universe superhero fiction, doesn't rely on what came before and subtle allusions to communicate its ideas to the reader? Unlike other books, this one doesn't just reference other big events or the "main" titles, it references "obscure" things like Seven Soldiers that, yeah, you should have been reading, because it was damn good. However, I don't think the actual plot references previous works to an extent that it actively hinders reading. I think the techniques Morrison uses probably cause more problems than quick allusions.

For the record, I love Nix Uotan's new look. I was wondering when it was going to show up since I flipped through the Final Crisis Sketchbook last week. The Fifth World superhero/god has arrived! I really enjoyed the two pages before that with Darkseid taking over half of the world with a visual allusion to Marvel Boy #2 where Noh-Varr and Plexus took control of the minds of New Yorkers to defeat the final Bannerman... striking with one fist and such. See, I got that, but does not getting it hurt the scene? Not at all! I think people get too hung up on the idea that there is so much going on with fast cuts and short scenes that there must be tons of things shown elsewhere key to understanding what's going on when there aren't. There really are not. I can only think of one: Metron is the guy in the wheelchair who solves the Rubik's cube in 17 moves. I think that may be the only thing that having read previous Morrison work actually provides needed insight. The rest is pretty self-explanatory if you've read the previous four issues.

TC: I didn't remember that it was Metron in the chair when I read the issue, and it affected my reaction to the book not at all. When I later read online that it was the Metron from Morrison's Mister Miracle I just though, "oh, that's right." It is a bit confusing because a dialogue tag seems to be pointed in the wrong direction during the Rubik's Cube sequence, but whether you know about Metron is irrelevant to understanding the plot. The guy has solved the cube in an impossible way, he has broken free of spacetime. Things are unfolding. It's all good. Great, even.

Final Crisis #4 and Secret Invasion #7 Hit THE SPLASH PAGE

Last Wednesday brought us two Morrison-penned Final Crisis comics and two Bendis-penned Secret Invasion comics, so how could Chad Nevett and I not talk about them?

Obviously, we did.

And it's really a great opportunity to contrast Morrison to Bendis, DC to Marvel, Black Lightning to Noh-Varr, and, um, let's say bacon and Canadian bacon. Probably not the bacon so much.

But Chad and I do say some pretty insightful stuff about the structural poetics of both event books, laying out deep and meaningful theories that will probably end up as citations in scholarly papers for generations to come.

Just get over to the Splash Page and read it! You'll see!

Or, as per usual, click HERE.

Final Crisis #4 Review

Recently reviewed by me at CBR: Final Crisis #4, about which I write the following sentences: "With a comic like this -- a story which derives its power less from Grant Morrison's dialogue than from the quality of its images -- it's too bad that J.G. Jones couldn't tackle all the work himself. Carlos Pacheco's fill-in pages aren't discordant with Jones's work at all, but they do lack the sense of foreboding that Jones imbues into every panel. Pacheco is a skilled but much more traditional superhero artist that Jones, and in a story that relies on visual storytelling to show the overwhelming evil, it would have been nice to see all Jones, all the time. Pacheco would have done a fine job with the Turpin-turning-into-Darkseid sequences, I'm sure, but Jones turns those few panels into a gritty, demonic struggle as this 'maggot of a man battles on alone against Anti-Life infection.' It's just a guy in a chair, hooked up to some tubes and wires, but Jones renders it as if the fate of the world depends on the outcome. And, in fact, it does."

Read the entire review HERE.

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #2 Annotations

I annotated issue #1 way back when, and so here I am again, writing whatever pops into my head and telling you what I know about the best of the Final Crisis spin-off books.

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #2: The Annotations

Cover: Once again, I bought the character-centric cover instead of the one with the ugly red bars on the side. This one's all about the Saturn Girl, as the Levitz-by-way-of-Johns SG thinks real hard and her two parallel selves pop out of her brain. Dave McCaig does a great job digitally painting these covers over the George Perez pencils, don't you think? (Correct answer: yes, you do think.)

Page 1: Ah, a "white-event." The Legion's had a few of those, and this one stuck for a while as the Reboot Legion got whited out once the Threeboot came into existence. This here's Shikari, the Dawnstar-esque character introduced in Legion Lost. (Hence the "lost again" reference by the off-panel Dream Girl.) Like Dawnstar, Shikari has super-tracking skillz.

Page 2: Sorcerer's World is actually Amethyst's "Gemworld," by the way, but in the future! And White Witch? She's a sorceress, and the sister of the Dream Girl from this reality. Not the Dream Girl from the Threeboot, who's dead, or the Dream Girl (or Dreamer, whatever) who's hanging out with Shikari.

Meanwhile, Superboy-Prime gives the evil Saturn Queen her very own "S-ring," and that looks like bad guy Lightning Lord's hand sporting the new jewelry as well. Geoff Johns likes his villains to sport matching accoutrements -- for more examples, see the Sinestro Corps War.

The purple cloaky guy is the Time Trapper. You can tell because he calls himself "The Time Trapper," and he traps time.

The great thing about his character, is he can be used to explain away any continuity problems ever. Even ones in Marvel comics. That's how powerful he is.

Page 3: "Mordru" is, of course, the super-evil-sorcerer who has imprisoned White Witch. And look who shows up to bust her out, the hot-headed Wildfire, the League-of-Super-Assassins-member-turned-White-Witch-bff Blok, and the super-tracker with the 70s Native American motif, Dawnstar. I think every Legion fan loves Dawnstar, don't they? She is awesome, and Wildfire agrees.

Page 4: Apparently Dawnstar's super-tracking ability lets her see metaphorical paths into the future, which is nice, because, really, if they have Google Maps, she ain't all that useful anymore, otherwise.

Page 5: The last Green Lantern (maybe), Rond Vidar! Son of Universo, the man with the monocle. Rond Vidar was a super-scientist and best friend of Brainiac 5, and then he died, but actually, no, he lived! Because he was secretly a Green Lantern! Why he would not ever use the ring before that, I have no idea. I guess he likes surprises. Well, surprise, he dies for real later in this issue!

That's Mordru with the beard and the purple goblin blasts.

Page 6: Glorith, Dragonmage, and Evillo are supporting characters from Legion history, all of whom have magic connections. Glorith was a former wife of Mordru, and she was also a pal of the Time Trapper, and sort of became a Time Trapper-esque character of her own (in one continuity). Dragonmage actually appeared after the Giffen Five-Year-Gap stories, which Johns seems to be ignoring otherwise, so his mention here shows how screwed up the 31st century timeline really is. And Evillo was evil. Oh.

Pages 7-8: Yeah, Mordru was White Witch's teacher and husband(?) at one point.

Mordru talks like Darth Vader a bit here, and later, Universo kind of does a Lord of the Sith kind of thing. I like to imagine that all of them sound like James Earl Jones throughout the comic. In fact, just imagine everyone in the future talks that way. Except Superboy-Prime. He sounds like Matthew McConnaughey.

Some people criticize Geoff Johns for his bloodthirsty streak, but it's pretty obvious that Mordru's the real crazy one, not Geoff Johns! Seriously, "make love bathed in your blood"? Dude, you're like a thousand years old.

Pages 9-10: The new Legion of Super-Villains, with matching rings! From left to right, top to bottom: Neutrax, Beauty Blaze, Zymyr, Ol-Vir, Emerald Empress, Grimbor, Validus, Tharok, Golden Boy, Tusker, Storm Boy, Sun Emperor, Esper Lass, Dr. Regulus, Universo, Lightning Lord, Superboy-Prime, Saturn Queen, Earth-Man, Hunter II, Persuader, Mist Master, Mano, Spider-Girl, Cosmic King, Micro Lad, Terrus, Lazon, Silver Slasher, Tyr, Black Mace, Echo, Radiation Roy, Chameleon Chief, Titania, Magno Lad.

This is basically the LSV from the early Baxter issues of Legion, plus the Johns Justice League from recent Action Comics issues, a few members of the League of Super-Assassins, the Fatal Five, and a couple of guys who usually work solo (like Universo and Dr. Regulus). In other words, its the most awesome team of bad guys ever.

They all sound like James Earl Jones.

Page 11: Flashback, to Infinite Crisis, written by Geoff Johns. Flashback to "Sinestro Corps War," written by Geoff Johns. Foreshadowing: Sodam Yat -- remember when you beat up a random guy that one time, S-Prime? Not really important right now, but by the end of the issue: important! Sodam Yat, btw, was a Daxamite (like Mon-El) with a power ring, and took the mantle of Ion post-Kyle Raynor.

Page 12: Legion HQ, in panel two, from left to right, top to bottom: bad stuff on monitors, Superman, Lightning Lad, Night Girl, Brainiac 5, Invisible Kid II, Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl, Shrinking Violet, Polar Boy, Ultra Boy, Phantom Girl, Lightning Lass, arrogant S-Prime holo, Chameleon Girl, Tmber Wolf.

The Legion has a code against killing. They also have a code against anyone over 18 joining the team, or at least they did. Changing codes is a slippery slope. Now look at them, all a bunch of long-haired hippie fascists.

Page 13: "gathered some magic," is a reference to Magic: The Gathering, the card game I used to play with all the free time I used to have not annotating comic books. Back when I was cool and hip.

Panel five features the first time in comic book history that "clubhouse" and "bastards" appeared in the same panel. Unless you count the obscure Silverwolf comic from 1987, "Clubhouse Bastards," illustrated by Tim Vigil, which I don't, because it doesn't exist.

Page 14: Superboy-Prime hates whiners! Take that, fanboys!

Page 15: You'd think, by the 31st century, they'd come up with a more elegant computer interface than just a keyboard with extra buttons. Must be the Time Trapper messing up the development of technology by making future tech slightly more annoying than it has to be.

Garth (Lighthing Lad) and Imra (Saturn Girl) are married. One of the old-timey Legion rules was that married couples couldn't remain members. They changed that one too. Seriously, besides the "no murder" rule, what's left? Might as well get rid of that one, too. I'm with the Lad with the Lightning.

Pages 16-17: See, "Lethal Force Enabled." That's what I'm talking about. The Green Lanterns got rid of their "no murder" policy a millenia ago, in a story written, not coincidentally, by Geoff Johns.

The Legion used Stargates way before MacGyver did.

Saturn Queen is all up in her Nurse Ratched mode here, but those black word balloons let you know that you're supposed to say the speech in a deep voice, like, you guessed it, J. E. J.

Pages 18-19: Universo, as Rond Vidar's dad, was Green Lantern once, maybe, or I could be totally misremembering that. But what I'm not misremembering is that the "snap" panel is an allusion to the Levitz/Lightle scene when Princess Projectra snapped the neck of Nemesis Kid after he killed her husband (Karate Kid). She did the deed off-panel, too.

Superboy-Prime is basically from our Earth, so he knows about Parker Brothers board games and their mascot. Although Rich Uncle Pennybags doesn't have a beard. Or mind control powers. As far as I know.

Page 20: "Human supremacist trash," is a reference to Earth-Man's xenophobic Justice League who convinced everyone on Earth that aliens were evil and that Superman was actually a human. Racists are bad guys, even in the future.

"Long Live OUR Legion," is a twist on the famous "Long Live the Legion," the rallying cry of the Legion of Super-Heroes and pretty much anyone who's ever sent me an e-mail about the Legion ever.

Page 21: Ah, the lightning rod from what seemed, at the time, to be a completely pointless Justice League/Justice Society crossover a few years back. You remember "The Lightning Saga," right? A speedster is stuck inside that rod! I wonder who it could be? If we take Brainiac's dialogue in the last panel, "..how SMART I really AM" and take out the letters h,o,w, s, I, r, e, y, a, m, and add a B and an "e" and an "n," I think you'll have a great clue! Geoff Johns is also smart, with his 31st century cryptography!

Page 22: Oa, former home of the Guardians, now kind of a downer. Note, this is Sodam Yat and his collection of jewelry. "Mogo" is the planet-sized Green Lantern, created by Alan Moore, and he was Yat's best bud. Before the dark times. Before the rebellion...

Page 23: Happy Harbor, former home of the Justice League of America, the Doom Patrol, and pretty much anyone who wanted to hang out. All you need is Aquaman's garage door opener to get in, apparently. Trophies on display include Despero's chess board, Abnegazar, Rath, and Gast class photos with accompanying wheel, jar, and bell. Prometheus's digital download helmet, and Dr. Destiny's Materioptikon. Also, some Amos Fortune playing cards, a giant Starro Heroclix, and, of course, that crystal ball that's not really a crystal ball. You may remember that from the first JLA/JSA team-up.

"Sub's satellite," refers to the Legion of Substitute Heroes, who have taken over the old JLA satellite after the dorkface racists got defeated, thanks to the Subs, in Johns's Action Comics issues earlier this year.

Page 24: The Time Institute! In the background we see Booster Gold's sis, Goldstar, Skeets, Rip Hunter, Time Master, and some other dude who I'm probably expected to remember. Time bubbles are good. For time travel.

"He's a Daxamite" is more Sodam Yat foreshadowing, for all you playing the at-home version.

Page 25: "red sky" is a reference to Crisis on Infinite Earths, or maybe Infinite Crisis, or Final Crisis, but definitely NOT Identity Crisis. "The Tornado Twins" are Barry Allen's kids who live in the future, and end up becoming Bart Allen's dad and aunt. Whatever adventure White Witch is talking about is the previous team-up between all three Legions that we still haven't seen. Stupid Time Trapper!

A "Legion Lost" joke. And a reminder from Johns that the Threeboot Legion is still being published. Buy your copy today!

Pages 26-27: Hoo-boy, at least the Threeboot Legion is on the left page, and the Reboot team on the right. Here goes, from left to right, top to bottom: Element Lad, Star Boy, Micro Lad (aka Colossal Boy), Saturn Girl, Shadow Lass, Ultra Boy, Chameleon, Triad, M'Onel, Ferro, Triplicate Girl's legs, Invisible Kid, Light Lass, Atom Girl (aka Shrinking Violet), Karate Kid, Brainiac 5.1, Andromeda, Star Boy, Phantom Lass, Ultra Boy, Triplicate Girl, Lightning Lad, Lightning Lass, Cosmic Boy, Sensor, Timber Wolf, Violet, XS, Dreamer, Princess Projectra, Karate Kid, Chameleon, Timber Wolf, Kid Quantum II, Saturn Girl, Apparition, Triplicate Girl, Brainiac 5, Shadow Lass, Triad, Gates, Invisible Kid, Shikari, Element Lad, Gear, Wildfire, Kinetix.

Page 28: Threeboot Brainiac 5 is from the "Eat it, Grandpa" incarnation from the team. You thought "Long Live the Legion" was a catchy phrase? "Eat it, Grandpa" is the type of thing Matthew Elmslie writes essays about!

Page 29: Sun boy is very sad, as he drinks his SODA POP. Ever since he spent years hooked up to an evil machine that made him turn the sun red, in a story written by Geoff Johns, he just hasn't been the same womanizing douchebag he used to be.

Page 30: Superboy-Prime does have a history of scorching planets with giant space graffiti. His threats are not empty. I've read Countdown, so I know everything there is to know about pain and suffering.

Page 31: The power battery on Oa all black and spooky is a great image. Note to Geoff Johns: you might want to think about basing a huge event on that image next summer. Call it "Shadowy-est Evening," and you'll sell a million books. Mon-El and Shadow Lass make a nice couple, don't they? What a romantic getaway -- going to Oa with a corpse and all.

Page 32: Sodam Yat, I am not a fan of your haircut. But a man with the powers of Mon-El and a Green Lantern ring who hangs out on a planet with a bunch of dead guys is probably not really in the mood to listen to anything I have to say. When you read his final speech, remember that it rhymes with "This is CNN."

And that, my friends, is the greatest Legion story so far this week. Maybe ever.

Final Crisis: Revelations #3 Review

Recently reviewed by me at CBR: Final Crisis: Revelations #3, about which I write the following sentences: "Issue #3 details the confrontation between the three good guys (the Spectre, the Question, and the newly-introduced Angel of Mercy) against an extra-evil Vandal Savage and the anti-life equation (which basically means a bunch of zombies with red eyes). The new Batwoman shows up too, as a red-eyed minion, in a brief scene where she's nothing more than fodder for a magical blast o' Spectre. Vandal Savage, on the other hand, has the mark of Cain on him, and he's walking the Earth with his anti-life slaves, wreaking havoc like an old testament force of evil. If it's the DC Universe in flames that you want, this series has it, but its all 'Sumbit!' and 'Darkseid is My Will!' and spiritual doubt and artwork that looks like it came from a 'WildC.A.T.S. Strikeforce' back-up story circa 1994. Philip Tan's work was better on the first issue of this series, so I'm guessing that his work on issue #3 is rushed, but Renee Montoya has never looked so grotesque and the backgrounds tend to be nothing more than hasty brush strokes."

Read the entire review HERE.

Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #1 Hits THE SPLASH PAGE

The covers for Superman Beyond #1 are really quite ugly, I think, and you know what's not ugly? That's right: The Inferior Five. Don't you love that logo? It's brilliant.

This is one of the few IF issues I don't own, so if you have an extra copy lying around, and you want to send me one, I will totally appreciate it. I'll even add your name to the Geniusboy Firemelon blog hall of fame. Forever.

Speaking of Superman Beyond #1, Chad Nevett and I talk about it this week. We were going to run a different conversation, probably something about how much we love/don't love puppies and/or luncheon meat, but instead, we decided to tackle the comic that is completely setting the world aflame this week: Final Crisis: Superman Beyond. I'm pretty sure CNN would cover it, if it weren't for that dang DNC and that lady veep thing that's going on.

So join Chad and I as we discuss the most baffling Final Crisis-related issue yet over at the internet's best smarty-pants discussion center: The Splash Page.

Click HERE.

Going Negative: 10 Relentlessly Stupid Things about "DCU: Last Will and Testament"

I am not a Brad Meltzer-hater. I liked some of the things he did with his JLA, although not all of it. I liked Identity Crisis for the first few issues, although I didn't like the last issue's ridiculous ending and the "solution" to the mystery. I liked his Green Arrow run a lot.

And I like to try to stay positive on this blog, and talk about comics I like. Even my CBR reviews, even the ones with only a star or two, tend to focus on why things didn't work rather than just mocking the failures.

But the award for WORST COMIC OF THE WEEK goes to Brad Meltzer and Adam Kubert's DC Universe: Last Will and Testament.

The comic isn't even worth a review, so instead I will just list TEN RELENTLESSLY STUPID THINGS about the issue:

1. Geo-Force holds his hand over the flame on page one, and shows that not only doesn't it hurt him, but even "the scorch mark wipes away." Thing is, he's wearing gloves. So what's the point? His gloves are scorch proof? And that's supposed to symbolize how he's becoming insensitive? Stupid.

2. It's not even labelled as a Final Crisis book, even though the conceit of the issue is that the heroes are preparing for their final battle, supposedly from Final Crisis. If not, what's the point of this comic? Yet it doesn't even make sense as an FC tie-in, because Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are all still around, and in FC, they've been taken out of the action. Why does this comic exist, again? To show some theoretical time when the heroes might face some big challenge and feel sad about it? Stupid.

3. Girls are romantic saps. The final actions of Wonder Girl and Starfire: pining for Terry Long and Dick Grayson, respectively. Oh, if only them big strong mens was around to give you a hug. Life is so hard for a lady on her own. Stupid.

4. Joe Kubert inks a handful of pages, and they look awesome (well, the Starfire page looks odd, but the others: fantastic). John Dell inks the rest. Putting Joe Kubert's inks in the same book as John Dell's accomplishes one thing: it makes John Dell look like a hack, and makes the comic look like a mess. Stupid.

5. Rocky, of the Challengers of the Unknown, is all-of-a-sudden, a priest. Why? Just 'cause Meltzer needed someone to be a priest for this story. Stupid.

6. Explicit use of Judeo-Christian rituals and customs in DC superhero comics in general is ridiculous. These characters meet angels and devils all the time. What does faith matter in a universe in which some of these beliefs can be proven as fact? If you want to play with religion in the DCU, it should bear no resemblance to any of our religions. Meltzer doesn't seem to understand that, with his confessing characters and his lack of imagination about how religion might exist in the DCU. Stupid.

7. Captain Cold leaves a note for the cops that reads, and I quote: "From your friendly $@#&'n Captain Cold." That's right, he goes to the trouble of leaving a note, and instead of actually swearing in his note, which is clearly his intent, he writes all of the comics code censored version of a swear. I would see it as a joke on Cold's part, but he doesn't strike me as a guy who would bother to mock the conventions of the comic book medium. Stupid.

8. Pa Kent is depicted as some 1950s parody of a hayseed, with a straw of wheat in his mouth as he dispenses corn-pone wisdom. It's a silly, cliche moment, from a completely different version of Superman than we've seen for the past 30 years. Stupid.

9. Geo-Force slices his own throat as a way to "defeat" Deathstroke. Stupid.

10. He does defeat Deathstroke, even as he's dying from the blood squirting out of his neck. And then Geo-Force survives. (And, since nobody seems upset that he killed Deathstroke, apparently Deathstroke survives as well.) So all his dramatic self-mutilation and whining and crying didn't even accomplish anything, but yet Black Lightning somehow thinks he's a "hero." Stupid.

This was one awful, awful comic book, folks.

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #1 Annotations

Like my "Batman R.I.P." annotations, my approach here is to talk about what I notice about stuff and what I know. I don't know everything, but I know an awful lot about the Legion.

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #1: The Annotations

Cover: I bought the Lightning Lad cover because I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy who wants to see Legion characters on the cover of a Legion comic. Supermanboy-Prime doesn't cut it. The Lightning Lad cover shows the Johns version of the post-Levitz era Lightning Lad, and inside his ball o' lightning, we see the Reboot Lighting Lad with the robot arm and the Threeboot Lightning Lad with the David Cassidy haircut.

Page 1: Enter the Time Trapper, the Legion's most powerful villain. He has been revealed to be a member of the Sun-Eater-unleashing Controllers and an aged Cosmic Boy who has come back to "fix" time. Presumably this version shows here is the "original" Time Trapper, though what that means isn't exactly clear when you're dealing with time travel and alternate realities. But on page one he refers to how he tried to "rip out their soul" which refers to TT's creation of a pocket universe which the Legion had erroneously travelled back to. It was basically the continuity patch to explain how Superboy still inspired the Legion if Superboy no longer existed in the "post-Crisis" DCU. The pocket universe was later removed from continuity as well, but apparently Time Trapper still remembers it happening. And since he used a Superboy in his past plans, he uses a Superboy here: Superboy-Prime (a.k.a. Supermanboy-Prime, since DC isn't sure what to call him from page to page).

Pages 2-3: The "Earthman" stuff refers to Geoff Johns's recent arc in Action Comics #858-863. In that arc, the multicultural Legion had been branded as traitors by a xenophobic Earth and its Justice League, led by a character called Earthman (kind of a Superman type, but racist). Those are Martha and Jonathan Kent analogues (Mara and Jun) from Smallville's future. Notice how the alien-fearing future-Kents see a spaceship crash landing and try to blast it, unlike their liberal 20th century precusors. Also, Legion stories always take place 1,000 years in the future. So, 3008. (The only exception being the "Five Years Later" stories of Giffen and the Bierbaums, which would be 1,005 years in the future.)

Pages 4-5: Supermanboy-Prime, formerly of Earth Prime, the only superhero on his planet. He was one of the central heroes of Crisis on Infinite Earths and then removed into a pocket continuity bubble until Infinite Crisis, where he started punching extra-dimensional walls and causing/curing continuity problems galore. Since then, he's been locked up in space and joined the Sinestro Corps. He's had a rough couple of years. He's also a fanboy analogue, complaining about continuity changes and superheroes not being like they used to be when he was a kid.

The Interlac on the Superman Museum reads "Superman Museum." I'm not going to translate all the Interlac in the comic, unless it's funny and/or important to the story. I'm sure someone else will translate every single word, though. Good for them. We need that kind of gung-ho attitude.

Pages 6-7: Just the big images and characters : Pictured on the top of page 6: (1) Young Clark Kent with Ma and Pa, (2) Clark Kent getting married to Lois Lane, (3) Perry White, Jimmy Olsen, and Clark Kent at the Daily Planet, (4) Lex Luthor. Top of page 7: (1) Power Girl, (2) Steel, (3) Lori Lemaris, (4) Original Justice League of America. Middle of page 6: (1) Superman of the Golden Age/Earth 2/or from Superman for All Seasons by Tim Sale, depending on what you're looking for, (2) Superman 1,000,000 , (3) Kingdom Come Superman, (4) Tangent Universe Superman (a.k.a. Earth 9 Superman). Middle of page 7: (1) Krypto, the Superdog, (2) Superwoman (Kristin Wells) of the 29th century, (3) Supergirl--current version, (4) Superboy, Conner Kent. Bottom of page 6: Jonathan Kent, Martha Kent, Pete Ross, Lana Lang (all looking like the ones from the Byrne revamp). Page 7, bottom: Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, Perry White. Also of note: the golden statue is the image from the cover of Action Comics #1 and the manger scene above the steps is from Superman: The Movie.

The Superman Museum of the future apparently draws from multiple realities and timelines.

Page 8: Jimmy Olsen's whole shtick in the Silver Age Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen comics was that he'd turn into a different weirdo monster or hero each issue. Hence, the 1,000 Olsens. As Elastic Lad, he was even a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes.

Page 9: Top left: Nightwing and Flamebird, the superheroes of Kandor (actually Superman and Jimmy Olsen in disguise!) Interlac joke: the "Portrait Gallery" at the bottom of the page features artist credits. The one in the foreground is labelled "Perez," (although it's the famous Neal Adams image of Superman breaking the chains). Behind that, we see artist credits for (Joe) Shuster, (Wayne) Boring, (Curt) Swan, (Jose Luis) Garcia-Lopez, something I can't make out, and what looks like (Rob) Liefeld (?!?--But check out that exaggerated hand and pointy feet!) [UPDATED: It's "Hirschfeld"!]

Page 10: Do you want me to name all the Legionnaires? I could, but that seems silly. [Okay, people want to know, I guess. Starting from the back and going from right to left: Colossal Boy, Polar Boy, Night Girl, Timber Wolf, Shadow Lass, Wildfire, Ultra Boy, Lightning Lass, Blok, Invisible Kid II, Lightning Lad, Chameleon Girl, Sun Boy, Phantom Girl, Dawnstar, Brainiac 5, Saturn Girl, Superman, Shrinking Violet, Sun Boy.] The group in panel 3 is the group seen in Johns's Action Comics arc--a kind of post-Levitz team that ignores anything after "Magic Wars" and inserts years of undisclosed continuity in its place--although Johns hinted at a lot of the bad stuff in his recent arc. Note that Colossal Boy's wife is now part of the team, as Chameleon Girl. The final panel shows the team from my favorite era--the Levitz Baxter time period, but Tyroc and Sensor Girl were never on the team at the same time. Still, who doesn't love Tyroc? [Well, I guess I'll name all of these Legionnaires too. From left to right, front to back: Bouncing Boy, Dream Girl, Matter-Eater Lad, Tellus, Duo Damsel, Karate Kid, Tyroc, Sensor Girl, Chameleon Boy, Duo Damsel, Mon-El, White Witch, Star Boy, Element Lad.]

It's important to note that throughout this issue, and Johns's other use of the Legion elsewhere, he doesn't seem particularly concerned about using a team from a specific time period, so the team compositions are a bit out of whack and members who had left or died are sometimes shown with characters who hadn't yet joined. But since the Time Trapper, Supermanboy-Prime's continuity punching, reboots, Crises, and multiple Earths are all in play, it doesn't really matter, does it? Everything is in flux, especially in the future.

Page 11: Most of the villains are identified here. Not named in the bottom right panel: Cyborg-Superman (also of the Sinestro Corps), Metallo, Toyman.

Page 12: A biased retelling of Supermanboy-Prime's life thus far, but it's not too far from the truth. Sodam Yat is the new Ion, in case you were wondering. Neutron, mentioned in the bottom panel, is a particulary lame Superman villain, and saying he made a "bigger impact" is a bomb joke but also a slap in the face to S-Prime.

Page 13: Bottom left: Composite-Superman. Almost-bottom-right: Geoff Johns's version of the Teen Titans from his relaunch a few years back.

Page 14: S-Prime did kill Conner Kent, a.k.a. Superboy. Although the Siegel lawsuit probably didn't help.

Page 15: The United Planets is a bunch of planets, united (but very geocentric, to be honest).

Page 16: In the Johns/Perez version of the 31st century, the United Planets meets just like the Federation in Star Wars: Episode II. Remember when Jar Jar became a Senator? Ha! That was hilarious and touching. Here, everyone hates the Legion because the Justice League of future xenophobes messed them up recently (as seen in Johns's Action Comics arc). The three Legionnaires at the bottom are, of course, the founders of the team, and you can tell they aren't the spry young teenagers who formed the team in 2958. They look pretty good for being in their mid-sixties, though.

Page 17: Blah, blah, blah summary of the aftermath of the Action Comics storyline. Brainiac 5 helped the Legion, so he's out at Colu. Everyone else is grumpy. Nobody takes the Legion seriously. Johns makes a meta-commentary on why they still have "boy" and "girl" names even though they are grown men and women. Seriously, why doesn't the Legion get any respect?!? Johns is asking that question in the comic and inviting the outside world to respond.

Page 18: Mon-El always ends up in the Phantom Zone. It's the only place he's safe from the lead poisoning that will kill him ever so quickly. Shadow Lass and Mon-El were a couple for years, at least in the original continuity (whatever that means).

Page 19: You can tell things have gotten bleak in the future, because the straight-laced Brainiac 5 stopped grooming.

Page 20: When Brainiac 5 says that he "alone" created the anti-lead serum, he's paraphrasing Dr. Frankenstein from the 1931 James Whale classic film. Goes along with his mad scientist haircut and everything.

Page 21: Sun Boy, the Johnny Storm of the Legion--in powers and lady-killing skills--was used in the Johns Action Comics arc to turn Earth's sun into a red sun, thus negating Superman's powers. He's literally burnt out from that. Polar Boy, the first Legion of Substitute Heroes member to get promoted to the big show, lost an arm in that arc as well. Fire and Ice, cynical and optimistic: contrasts.

Page 22: More from the United Planets of Grumpy Xenophobia. Karate Kid II (Myg) has grown facial hair AND an attitude since we last saw him. He started out bad, and even the Legion Academy couldn't whip him into shape, apparently.

Page 23: R. J. Brande, super-gazillionaire and benefactor of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Before Brainiac 5 invented the flight rings, the Legionnaires used to fly around with flight belts. Flight belts! How 2950s! Brande is actually the father of the Legion's Chameleon Boy, and a Durlan shapeshifter himself, although that is not known to the world at large. Such was revealed in Secrets of the Legion of Super-Heroes, one of the first comic book mini-series ever (published in 1981).

Page 24: Takron-Galtos, the prison planet. I love to see it pop up in Legion stories, but every time it does, some prisoners escape and cause trouble. This is the third Takron-Galtos in this continuity, I think, but maybe they should come up with some other rehabilitation program. I'm telling you. A prison planet SOUNDS like a good idea, but it rarely ends well.

Page 25: Do you want me to name all of the Legion of Super-Villains too? Really? [Okay, fine. From left to right, back to front: Zymyr, Mist Master, Silver Slasher, Magno Lad, Ol-Vir, Hunter II, Lazon, Neutrax, Spider Girl, Esper Lass, Sun Emperor, Tyr, Micro Lad, Ron-Karr, Titania, Radiation Roy, Tarik the Mute, Chameleon Chief, Cosmic King, Lightning Lord, Saturn Queen, Nemesis Kid, Terrus.] Anyway, this collection is from the first arc in the Levitz Baxter run, as recently reprinted in the An Eye for an Eye trade paperback. It's really good, except Giffen quit halfway through and Steve Lightle had to finish it up. Both are fantastic artists, but with COMPLETELY different styles. LSV, though. Bad news all around.

Page 26: Man, this is a long comic. With so many panels! We're getting our money's worth here, aren't we?

The Legion of Super-Villains was founded by Lightning Lord, Cosmic King, and Saturn Queen. They're adults with the same powers as the original Legion founders. Because adults are evil and always try to mess up our clubhouse with their smoking and cussing. [UPDATED: The adult Legion of Super-Villains was from the future, and originally founded by Tarik the Mute. Also, Cosmic King looks like Cosmic Boy, but he actually has powers similar to Element Lad.]

Page 27: Brande's speech implies that the Legion taught Superboy how to become Superman. That's not really what happened, but it's a pretty cool interpretation of the events. Maybe it happened between panels. Let's all say that it happened. Feel better now? I do. I like it.

Page 28: Leland McCauley was not only Brande's rival, but in the post-"Zero Hour" reboot he was actually revealed to be Ra's al Ghul, still alive in the 30th century! Wheeee. He's not Ra's al Ghul in this version, though. He's just a bitter rich dude.

Page 29: "Long Live the Legion" is the rallying cry of the team. Brande almost gets it out, mentally before he gets all Durlan on everyone. By the way: TOLD YOU he was a Durlan! Totally called it. It gives McCauley a chance for more xenophobia and provides a touching moment. Geoff Johns can write comics!

Page 30: McCauley was apparently in cahoots with the Time Trapper. Folks, that's never a good idea. It's about as dumb as putting every single powerful criminal together on one giant space station.

Page 31: My guess is that Chameleon Boy, Dream Girl, and Element Lad are up to something. Probably something involving the Legion Espionage Squad. Because Johns is definitely not going to leave the Espionage Squad out of the action. Look for them to pop up with some vital information/secret weapon/awesomeness around issue #4.

Page 32: Thats the silhouette of the Legion clubhouse on the right side of the skyline. The old upside down spaceship. Of course, Secret Origins revealed that the original clubhouse was Fortress Lad, who had transformed into a clubhouse and then everyone, including him, totally forgot about it because of the after-effects of an angry Mnemonic Kid. (I am not making this, or anything else, up.)

Page 33: Superman arrives in 3009. A year after Supermanboy-Prime, thus leaving time for S-Prime to...

Page 34: Free all the prisoners from Takron-Galtos! I knew that prison planet was a bad idea. It's like rescuing evil fish from a space barrel. Although the 3008/3009 thing doesn't exactly make sense, since Cosmic Boy said the Smallville stuff and the freeing of the prisoners just happened in the past few hours. Hmmm... a time inconsistency. Who's the villain behind this whole thing again? [EDITED: Apparently, he stopped just before 3009. So, yeah, 3008 it is.]

"L.O.S.V"? L.S.V. sounds better, doesn't it? Maybe it's just to make it clear to all the new readers. But that's what I'm here for. L.O.S.V. is the Legion of Super Villains, silly.

Page 35: The post-"Zero Hour" Reboot Legion. A.k.a. the "Archie Legion" because everyone looked straight outta Riverdale. (I don't agree with that label, by the way.) This image on the top shows that Johns is not cherry-picking teams from a certain time, he's cherry-picking entire rosters that never existed. Some of these characters, like Kid Quantum died well before others, like Gates, joined. Do you want me to name all of these characters too? Seriously, if anyone wants such a thing, e-mail me, because I'm not really planning on wasting your time with a long list otherwise. [Okay, people want to know. From left to right, front to back: Apparition, Chuck Taine, Inferno, Kid Quantum, Thunder, Leviathan, Magno, Wildfire, Shikari, Monstress, Invisible Kid, Gear, Timber Wolf, Star Boy, Element Lad, Triad, Kid Quantum II, Ferro, M'Onel, Umbra, Spark, Chameleon, Dreamer, Andromeda, Live Wire, Cosmic Boy, Saturn Girl, Ultra Boy, Karate Kid, Shrinking Violet, Brainiac 5.1, Sensor, Gates, XS.]

"I've met them both. We all did a long time ago." I'm not sure what the second part means. Who's the "all." If it's just him and the other 20th/21st century heroes, then, yes, they met around the time of Final Night and recently in The Brave and the Bold. If he's putting Mon-El into the mix, I don't know what he's talking about.

Page 36: I literally have used my whole laptop battery on these annotations, as feeble as they are. I have six minutes to wrap it up.

This Legion is the Waid/Kitson Threeboot era, with the Shooter/Manapul costumes (mostly). Once again, it's not a roster that ever existed in the series, since Dream Boy (second from top left) and Dream Girl (third from top right) were never on the team at the same time. Yet it doesn't have any members from the "future" of the team. I guess that would make it too complicated. [From left to right, back to front: Mon-El, Dream Boy, Timber Wolf, Colossal Boy, Dream Girl, Supergirl, Phantom Girl, Shadow Lass, Triplicate Girl, Princess Projectra, Triplical Girl, Ultra Boy, Triplicate Girl, Sun Boy, Element Lad, Light Lass, Brainiac 5, Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad, Star Boy, Karate Kid, Invisible Kid, Atom Girl, Chameleon.]

Do you think this series will end with the redemption of Supermanboy-Prime? Will he sacrifice himself to save the Legion and bring harmony to the United Planets?

Long Live the Legion(s)!

(P.S. I'm not the one reviewing this issue for CBR, but if I did, I would have given it four and a half stars.)

[Michael Grabois has annotations at The Legion Omnicom as well.]

Final Crisis #3 Hits THE SPLASH PAGE

After weeks of general discussion and topical banter (and perhaps too much cynicism), Chad Nevett and I return this week with a good, old-fashioned tag-team review of a single issue: Final Crisis #3. Except we can't just review that issue without talking about the "Director's Cut" of Final Crisis #1 as well. We also mention Secret Invasion in passing.

But the column's about Final Crisis #3! I guess we're going to end up talking about every issue of this sucker, so we might as well embrace it, right? And how can we not, really? We all know that it's a great comic, and the only people who don't like it are the ones too dumb to understand it.

(That last line was a joke, so don't flame me about it.)

Read more of our Final Crisis thoughts at the world's first and most prominent column called "The Splash Page."

Or, click HERE.

Final Crisis #3 Review

Recently reviewed by me at CBR: Final Crisis #3, about which I write the following sentences: "I still like the insanity of the opening scene the best because it doesn't go out of its way to explain itself. It's enough to know that the government has plans for Rene Montoya, and enough to know that she's looking for answers. It's enough to know that a Nazi Supergirl has fallen to Earth, and that's a bad thing either way: (a) she'll wake up, and, hey, Nazi Supergirl on Earth! Or (b) she's dead and if there's a power out there strong enough to kill a Nazi Supergirl, Earth's probably in trouble. I'm sure we'll learn more about these plot elements in future issues, but what I've liked about 'Final Crisis' so far is its willingness to throw so many images and ideas into the mix, without bothering to explain every single one along the way. With issue #3, we're getting into the explanation phase, which is necessary, of course, but it sucks a bit of the life out of the story for me. Not enough to make it dull, but enough to remind me of some of Geoff Johns' work on 'Justice Society of America' in which dozens of costumed characters stand around talking about things I already know. That's just the middle of "Final Crisis" #3, and it doesn't detract too much from the work as a whole."

Read the entire review HERE.