In March of 2013, longtime CBR colleague and The Devil is in the Details editor and internet friend Ryan K. Lindsay will unleash a single issue of a comic book series that is destined to change the world. It's issue #2 of the My Little Pony "micro-series" featuring Rainbow Dash.
In the issue, the high-flying pony faces an insurmountable challenge: cloud goblins that threaten the skies!
I know what you're thinking: is this going to be the next Watchmen or is it going to be the next Dark Knight Returns or the next Mr. T and the T-Force or some divine combination of all three?
We'll have to wait until March to find out, but, until then, I have brought in a couple of junior members of the Geniusboy Firemelon editorial team to grill Mr. Lindsay on his intentions and his abilities. They're here to determine whether or not the young writer is cut out for the scrutiny of high-profile My Little Pony scholarship.
Here they are -- two short interviews that may make or break Ryan K. Lindsay's career:
INTERVIEW #1 BY LAUREN, AGE 8:
Lauren: Why did to choose to write about Rainbow Dash?
RKL: I actually pitched for a few of the ponies and my Rainbow Dash story was the one my editor, Bobby Curnow, liked the most. I chose her for one of my pitches mostly because she gets to do cool stuff with weather and the skies. That's an exciting skill set I thought would make for a cool story.
Lauren: What kind of story will this be? Is it adventure or comedy or is it scary?
RKL: It's mostly more in the action/adventure camp but there's one kind of jarring scene that's a PG level scare of sorts and I'm also hoping some of my jokes in there land. I don't know if writers are ever confident about their jokes in a script, I'm not.
Lauren: Will you be retelling an episode in your own way or telling an original story? Why?
RKL: I'm telling an original story. Anything else feels like plagiarism. Well, it could be adaptation but that doesn't sound as dramatic. I'm telling my original story because that's what my editor wants but fortuitously that's also what I am most interested in, I wanted to bring some new things to Equestria.
Lauren: Will your story take place in the past, present, or future?
RKL: Floating present.
Lauren: Which minor characters will appear in your story?
RKL: Applejack is the supporting character pony and Tank also gets to play a pivotal role. I've also created my own pony which I called, in the script only, Redford Pony. I think he's pretty rad.
Lauren: Which My Little Pony episode is your favorite? (My favorite is the one where Rarity makes outfits for all her friends.)
RKL: I'd have to go with 'Sonic Rainboom' but 'Read It and Weep' is definitely a close second. Rainbow is now my favorite pony so I like seeing her take center stage. She's an interesting character.
INTERVIEW #2 BY ANDREW, AGE 12:
Andrew: How do you suppose you will make Rainbow Dash 20% cooler?
RKL: There is one thing I do in this issue that I guarantee makes Rainbow Dash 20% cooler, at least. It was actually the first thing that came to me and became the crux of this entire issue. I build to this moment and I'm certain it pays off. I obviously can't spoil it but I will stake my reputation on it.
Andrew: What will you do to capture Rainbow Dash’s pure awesomeness?
RKL: You don't capture her awesomeness - I only hope to refract it through the fine crystals I use to divine my stories in the hopes of setting shards free to enter your brain stem.
Andrew: If you WERE planning to set the story in the future, I recommend renaming Rainbow Dash “Deathbow Dash” and giving her a trail of nuclear waste. Have you considered that?
RKL: I actually have (this now serving as a legal record that I had the idea and thus when I use it I will owe you no compensation). Although my Deathbow Dash leaves a trail of smog across the sky.
Andrew: Are you sure you don’t want to make the story about post-apocalyptic rainbow ponies after the great cupcake war of the year 5000 AE?
RKL: I'm actually more interested in capturing the turmoil surrounding the aftermath of the Apple Famine of 4650. That was when Applejack had to travel to the stars to locate Celestial Johnny Appleseed and get him to bless her crop with his mighty seed. It's a cracker of a tale but if we get a green light for a sequel I'll talk with you about the Great Cupcake War of 5000AE. So long as we dedicate an issue to the Batter Battle of Lemony Knoll.
Andrew: Well, what about turning all the ponies into mutant cyborgs then?
RKL: I'm the guy who pitched a pony story involving a Kung Fu Tournament, don't think I won't straight up steal your ideas.
WHAT DO YOU THINK READERS? WILL THIS RAINBOW DASH COMIC FIND ITS WAY IN YOUR MARCH SHOPPING CART? IS RYAN K. LINDSAY TOO GOOD FOR COMICS? SHOULD THE JUNIOR MEMBERS OF THE GENIUSBOY FIREMELON STAFF JUST TAKE OVER THIS SITE AND TURN IT INTO A SHOPPING MALL?